Lost Finale Spoof 3
by HeidiBug731
Summary: Spoof of Lost Finale Season 3.


Flashback Jack: WTF? We're doing flashback beards now? Screw this! Give me back the flashback hair!

Flashbak Flight attendant: Can I help you, sir?

Flashback Jack: Can you take this crap off my chin and put the original crap back on my head?

Flashback Flight attendant: Um, no . . . How about a newspaper instead?

Flashback Jack: (looks like this) :(

--LOST--

Flashback Jack: I hate my life. I'm just going to end it.

Flashback Car: (crashes)

Flashback Woman: HELP! OMG! HELP!

Flashback Jack: Sh-t. Lady, can't you wait until after I jump?

--LOST--

Jack: Oh, thank god I'm rid of that beard.

Sayid: Promise me you won't come back for me.

Jack: Hey, that's my line!

Sayid: . . . well, yeah. But I thought since I'm playing the hero part now that, you know, maybe I could borrow it.

Jack: You can't borrow my line! You know what, just for that, I'm not coming back to save your ass.

Sayid: . . . Well, that worked out better than I thought I would.

Bernard: I am RAMBO!!! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Rose: No, you're not.

Bernard: You're right, I'm wrong. (looks like this) :(

--LOST--

Losties: (whistle) Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to the radio tower we go!

Naomi: I don't trust the blonde.

Juliet: (mumbles) stupid brunette.

Naomi: What?

Juliet: Nothing. (walks away)

--LOST--

Charlie: Since I'm about to die, according to Desmond, I have no problem being a smart-ass.

Greta: How did you get here?

Charlie: (singing) We all live in a yellow submarine!

Bonnie: (smack)

Charlie: OW! Being a smart-ass hurts.

Ben: WTF? Why are you calling me!

Bonnie: It's one of them. The Others. Well, no. We're the Others to them, but they're the Others to us, and--

Ben: WHAT?

Charlie: HI BEN! JUILET TOTALLY SCREWED YOU OVER!

Ben: OMG! My plan is so totally f-cked!

--LOST--

Dynamite/Nitro: I go BOOM in every season finale!

Rose: WTF? Why did the dynamite only go BOOM twice?

Jack: I don't care. Keep moving.

Rose and Sun: (look like this) :(

--LOST--

Flashback Sara: Hi, Jack.

Flashback Jack: OMG! WTF are you doing here?

Flashback Sara: I just wanted to remind you of your emotional baggage.

Jack: (look like this) :(

--LOST--

Charlie: The blinking light is annoying me. Can I turn it off?

Bonnie: You need a code.

Charlie: . . . well f-ck that.

Ben: OMG! What now?

Mr. Friendly: EVERYONE'S DEAD!

Ben: WHAT?

Mr. Friendly: They all went BOOM!

Ben: Well, now I'm even more f-cked!

Mr. Friendly: . . .

Ben: Shoot Jin. It will make me feel better.

Bernard: No, wait! I'll tell you EVERYTHING!

Fans: WTF, Bernard?

--LOST--

Richard: Your people are starting to not trust you anymore.

Ben: Don't care.

Alex: I asked you where you were going.

Ben: Don't care.

Alex: I want to go with you.

Ben: Don't--No, wait. I DO care.

Alex: You do?

Ben: Yep. You can come with me.

Alex: . . . okay.

--LOST--

Kate: I want to go back to the beach.

Sawyer: I'm too busy handling my emotional baggage to care.

Kate: What's wrong with you?

Sawyer: I told you. I'm dealing with emotional baggage.

Kate: Which is . . .?

Sawyer: Not going to tell you.

Kate: You suck.

Sawyer: Love you too.

--LOST--

Desmond: Ow, my head.

Mikhail: I shoot at you!

Desmond: Sh-t! Dive! Dive! Dive!

Charlie: Desmond!

Desmond: Charlie!

Charlie: Hide!

Desmond: Okay!

Charlie: (singing) It's been a hard day's night.

Bonnie: (smack)

Charlie: Ow! I wasn't even being a smart-ass that time!

--LOST--

Flashback Dr. Hamill: What are you doing here?

Flashback Jack: Popping pills.

Flashback Dr. Hamill: I'm sorry, but you're going to have to take your emotional baggage somewhere else.

Flashback Jack: Does this mean I can't do the surgery? (looks like this) :(

--LOST--

Sawyer: I want to go back to beach.

Jack: Don't care.

Sawyer: Well, I don't care that you don't care.

Kate: I'll come too.

Sawyer and Jack: NO!

Kate: . . .

Juliet: I'll come.

Sawyer: Okay.

Jack and Kate: WTF?

Juliet: (kiss)

Jack/Kate shippers: Ewwww!

Jack: OMG! Did she just kiss me?

Kate: I know that shouldn't have bothered me, but it did.

Jack/Kate shippers: YAY!

--LOST--

Charlie: (singing) All you need is love! Ba, ba ba, ba ba!

Bonnie: Shut up!

Charlie: You don't like my singing?

Bonnie: No, I just hate the Beatles!

Beatles/Lost fans: (look like this) :(

Mikhail: WTF, Ben?

Ben: I did it for the island.

Mikhail: You're starting to sound like Locke.

Ben: That's a bad thing, isn't it?

Mikhail: I don't think I like you anymore.

Ben: If I tell you a lot of BS about how sorry I am, will you trust me again?

Mikhail: . . . yeah, okay.

--LOST--

Sawyer: You and Jack get caught in a net?

Juliet: . . . um, no.

Hurley: I want to help!

Sawyer: You're too fat.

Hurley: (looks like this) :(

--LOST--

Alex: I don't like you.

Ben: Well, I don't like your boyfriend.

Alex: . . . fair enough.

--LOST--

Locke: I'm alive! . . . But I can't move my legs! . . . I guess I'll just shoot myself!

Walt: Boo!

Fans: WTF?

--LOST--

Jack: Sawyer's not such a bad guy.

Kate: Are you feeling okay?

Jack: I love you.

Jack/Kate shippers: (scream obnoxiously and then fall down and die of happiness)

Kate: Well, now I'm really confused.

Flashback Jack: I'll just walk into the middle of this street and nearly get run over by this car.

Flashback Funeral director: Would you like me to open the casket?

Fans: YES!

Flashback Jack: No.

Fans: Damn.

Flashback Jack: (walks away)

Fans: WTF? Who died?

--LOST--

Mikhail: You all must die!

Desmond: And you should have died back in episode sixty!

Ben: Let's talk.

Jack: You should know by now that that's not going to work over well.

Flashback Jack: I need drugs.

Flashback Pharmacist: I can't give them to you.

Flashback Jack: Fine! I'll just destroy these sunglasses!

Ben: You're going to kill everyone.

Jack: Not listening.

Ben: Naomi is bad.

Jack: Not listening.

Ben: We're the good guys.

Jack: Not listening.

Ben: Give me my walkie-talkie.

Fans: Don't give it to him!

Jack: Here you go.

Fans: WTF?

Ben: Give me the phone or your friends die.

Jack: Kill my friends and I'll go Rambo on your ass.

Sayid, Bernard, and Jin: (die)

Jack: I'LL KILL YOU!

Fans: Kill him! Kill him! Kill him!

Jack: (lays the smack down on Ben)

Fans: YAY! FINALLY!

--LOST--

Bonnie: The Beach Boys are better than the Beatles.

Ben: My face hurts.

Jack: I'm angsty. Don't talk to me.

Danielle: This scene is too emotional for words!

Alex: You're kind of creeping me out with the touchy-feely thing.

Kate: Let me help you with your angst.

Jack: I want to kill EVERYONE!

--LOST--

Sayid, Bernard, Jin: (are alive)

Fans: YAY!

Juliet: They may be alive, but we're still screwed.

Hurley: (plays Flight of the Valkaries music) Fat man to the rescue!

Sayid: Check out my cool neck breaking moves!

Mr. Friendly: I surrender.

Sayid: I KILL YOU!

Mr. Friendly: Or not.

Fans: Aww. He was the only Other we kind of liked.

--LOST--

Flashback Dr. Hamill: What are you doing?

Flashback Jack: Popping pills again.

Flashback Dr. Hamill: You shouldn't jump off of bridges, Jack. You'll die.

Flashback Jack: Well, you can take your pity and SHOVE IT!

Jack: I'm still angsty.

Ben: My face still hurts.

Hurley: Losties rule, Others drool!

Jack: My angst is suddenly relieved!

Ben: . . . and my face still hurts.

--LOST--

Penny: Hello?

Charlie: OMG! Desmond, it's your girlfriend!

Fans: What is that strange thudding noise?

Mikhail: Knock, knock.

Fan: OMG! WTF? Why can't he just die?

Charlie: Who's there?

Harry Potter/Lost fans: That guy totally has a horcrux on the island somewhere. That's the only way to explain it.

Mikhail: The grenade of death!

Charlie: OMG!

Fans: NO! Charlie! You CAN NOT die! (burst into tears)

Titanic music: (plays)

Desmond: I'll never let go.

--LOST--

Naomi: I got a signal!

Locke: Now you have a knife in your back.

Jack: WTF, Locke?

Locke: You're not supposed to do this.

Jack: (rolls his eyes) Not the fate thing again.

Locke: I'll kill you.

Jack: No, you won't.

Locke: Yes, I will.

Jack: No, you won't.

Locke: Will.

Jack: Won't.

Locke: Will . . . not.

Jack: We're saved!

Locke: I'll just go take the walk of shame, shall I?

Ben: I'm totally f-cked.

--LOST--

Flashback Kate: Hi, Jack.

Fans: WTF?

Flashback Jack: Wait. I knew you before we were on the island?

Flashback/Flashforward Kate: No, Jack. You didn't.

Flashback/Flashforward Jack: Oh! So this is a flashforward beard.

Fans: Should we be expecting those from now on?

Flashforward Jack: We weren't supposed to leave the island.

Flashforward Kate: And now you're starting to sound like Locke.

Flashforward Jack: That's a bad thing, isn't it?

Flashforward Kate: . . . pretty much, yeah.

Flashforward Jack: We have to go back!

Flashforward Kate: And that's my cue to leave.

Flashforward Jack: (looks like this) :(

Fans: OMG! Bestest Season Finale of all friggin' time!

--LOST--

Fans: So, wait. Was that the definite future, or can it change (because that future was so not cool), or was that something Desmond was seeing? And who died? And if that was the future why was Jack talking about his dad like he was alive? . . . We don't understand! WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED?

* * *

If you liked this one, you should read the spoofs for Season One and Two. 


End file.
